Rolichon brought my provisions himself from the kitchen, and it appeared that these good priests lived well, at least if every one fared as I did.In my life, I never took such pleasure in eating, and it must be owned this good cheer came very opportunely, for Iwas almost exhausted.I worked as heartily as I ate, which is saying a great deal; 'tis true I was not as correct as diligent, for some days after, meeting M.Rolichon in the street, he informed me there were so many omissions, repetitions, and transpositions, in the parts I had copied, that they could not be performed.It must be owned, that in choosing the profession of music, I hit on that I was least calculated for; yet my voice was good and I copied neatly; but the fatigue of long works bewilders me so much, that I spend more time in altering and scratching out than in pricking down, and if I do not employ the strictest attention in comparing the several parts, they are sure to fail in the execution.Thus, through endeavoring to do well, my performance was very faulty; for aiming at expedition, Idid all amiss.This did not prevent M.Rolichon from treating me well to the last, and giving me half-a-crown at my departure, which I certainly did not deserve, and which completely set me up, for a few days after I received news from Madam de Warrens, who was at Chambery, with money to defray the expenses of my journey to her, which Iperformed with rapture.Since then my finances have frequently been very low, but never at such an ebb as to reduce me to fasting, and Imark this period with a heart fully alive to the bounty of Providence, as the last of my life in which I sustained poverty and hunger.
I remained at Lyons seven or eight days to wait for some little commissions with which Madam de Warrens had charged Mademoiselle du Chatelet, whom during this interval I visited more assiduously than before, having the pleasure of talking with her of her friend, and being no longer disturbed by the cruel remembrance of my situation, or painful endeavors to conceal it.Mademoiselle du Chatelet was neither young nor handsome, but did not want for elegance; she was easy and obliging, while her understanding gave price to her familiarity.She had a taste for that kind of moral observation which leads to the knowledge of mankind, and from her originated that study in myself.She was fond of the works of Le Sage, particularly Gil Blas, which she lent me, and recommended to my perusal.I read this performance with pleasure, but my judgment was not yet ripe enough to relish that sort of reading.I liked romances which abounded with high-flown sentiments.
Thus did I pass my time at the grate of Mademoiselle du Chatelet, with as much profit as pleasure.It is certain that the interesting and sensible conversation of a deserving woman is more proper to form the understanding of a young man than all the pedantic philosophy of books.I got acquainted at the Chasattes with some other boarders and their friends, and among the rest, with a young person of fourteen, called Mademoiselle Serre, whom I did not much notice at that time, though I was in love with her eight or nine years afterwards, and with great reason, for she was a most charming girl.
I was fully occupied with the idea of seeing Madam de Warrens, and this gave some respite to my chimeras, for finding happiness in real objects I was the less inclined to seek it in nonentities.I had not only found her, but also by her means, and near her, an agreeable situation, having received word that she had procured one that would suit me, and by which I should not be obliged to quit her.I exhausted all my conjectures in guessing what this occupation could be, but Imust have possessed the art of divination to have hit it on the right.
I had money sufficient to make my journey agreeable: Mademoiselle du Chatelet persuaded me to hire a horse, but this I could not consent to, and I was certainly right, for by so doing I should have lost the pleasure of the last pedestrian expedition I ever made; for Icannot give that name to those excursions I have frequently taken about my own neighborhood, while I lived at Motiers.
It is very singular that my imagination never rises so high as when my situation, is least agreeable or cheerful.When everything smiles around me, I am least amused; my heart cannot confine itself to realities, cannot embellish, but must create.Real objects strike me as they really are, my imagination can only decorate ideal ones.If I would paint the spring, it must be in winter; if describe a beautiful landscape, it must be while surrounded with walls; and Ihave said a hundred times, that were I confined in the Bastile, Icould draw the most enchanting picture of liberty.On my departure from Lyons, I saw nothing but an agreeable future, the content I now with reason enjoyed was as great as my discontent had been at leaving Paris, notwithstanding, I had not during this journey any of those delightful reveries I then enjoyed.My mind was serene, and that was all; I drew near the excellent friend I was going to see, my heart overflowing with tenderness, enjoying in advance, but without intoxication, the pleasure of living near her; I had always expected this, and it was as if nothing new had happened.Meantime, I was anxious about the employment Madam de Warrens had procured me, as if that alone had been material.My ideas were calm and peaceable, not ravishing and celestial; every object struck my sight in its natural form; I observed the surrounding landscape, remarked the trees, the houses, the springs, deliberated on the cross-roads, was fearful of losing myself, yet did not do so; in a word, I was no longer in the empyrean, but precisely where I found myself, or sometimes perhaps at the end of my journey, never farther.
