Every body leaped naked out of bed, and in a minute the whole house was filled with cries and confusion -- There was two stairs in the house, and to these we naturally ran; but they were both so blocked up, by the people pressing one upon another, that it seemed impossible to pass, without throwing down and trampling upon the women. In the midst of this anarchy, Mr Micklewhimmen, with a leathern portmanteau on his back, came running as nimble as a buck along the passage; and Tabby in her underpetticoat, endeavouring to hook him under the arm, that she might escape through his protection, he very fairly pushed her down, crying, 'Na, na, gude faith, charity begins at hame!' Without paying the least respect to the shrieks and intreaties of his female friends, he charged through the midst of the crowd, overturning every thing that opposed him; and actually fought his way to the bottom of the Stair-case -- By this time Clinker had found a ladder by which he entered the window of my uncle's chamber, where our family was assembled, and proposed that we should make our exit successively by that conveyance. The 'squire exhorted his sister to begin the descent; but, before she could resolve, her woman, Mrs Winifred Jenkins, in a transport of terror, threw herself out at the window upon the ladder, while Humphry dropped upon the ground, that he might receive her in her descent -- This maiden was just as she had started out of bed, the moon shone very bright, and a fresh breeze of wind blowing, none of Mrs Winifred's beauties could possibly escape the view of the fortunate Clinker, whose heart was not able to withstand the united force of so many charms; at least I am much mistaken, if he has not been her humble slave from that moment -- He received her in his arms, and, giving her his coat to protect her from the weather, ascended again with admirable dexterity.
At that instant, the landlord of the house called out with an audible voice, that the fire was extinguished, and the ladies had nothing further to fear: this was a welcome note to the audience, and produced an immediate effect; the shrieking ceased, and a confused sound of expostulation ensued. I conducted Mrs Tabitha and my sister to their own chamber, where Liddy fainted away; but was soon brought to herself. Then I went to offer my services to the other ladies, who might want assistance -- They were all scudding through the passage to their several apartments; and as the thoroughfair was lighted by two lamps, I had a pretty good observation of them in their transit; but as most of them were naked to the smock, and all their heads shrowded in huge nightcaps, I could not distinguish one face from another, though I recognized some of their voices -- These were generally plaintive; some wept, some scolded, and some prayed -- I lifted up one poor old gentlewoman, who had been overturned and sore bruised by a multitude of feet; and this was also the case with the lame person from Northumberland, whom Micklewhimmen had in his passage overthrown, though not with impunity, for the cripple, in falling, gave him such a good pelt on the head with his crutch, that the blood followed.
As for this lawyer, he waited below till the hurly burly was over, and then stole softly to his own chamber, from whence he did not venture to make a second sally till eleven in the forenoon, when he was led into the Public Room, by his own servant and another assistant, groaning most woefully, with a bloody napkin round his head. But things were greatly altered --The selfish brutality of his behaviour on the stairs had steeled their hearts against all his arts and address -- Not a soul offered to accommodate him with a chair, cushion, or footstool; so that he was obliged to sit down on a hard bench -- In that position, he looked around with a rueful aspect, and, bowing very low, said in a whining tone, 'Your most humble servant, ladies -- Fire is a dreadful calamity' -- 'Fire purifies gold, and it ties friendship,' cried Mrs Tabitha, bridling. 'Yea, madam (replied Micklewhimmen); and it trieth discretion also' -- 'If discretion consists in forsaking a friend in adversity, you are eminently possessed of that virtue' (resumed our aunt). -- 'Na, madam (rejoined the advocate), well I wot, I cannot claim any merit from the mode of my retreat -- Ye'll please to observe, ladies, there are twa independent principles that actuate our nature -- One is instinct, which we have in common with the brute creation, and the other is reason -- Noo, in certain great emergencies, when the faculty of reason is suspended, instinct taks the lead, and when this predominates, having no affinity with reason, it pays no sort of regard to its connections; it only operates for the preservation of the individual, and that by the most expeditious and effectual means; therefore, begging your pardon, ladies, I'm no accountable in foro conscientioe for what I did, while under the influence of this irresistible pooer.'
Here my uncle interposing, 'I should be glad to know (said he), whether it was instinct that prompted you to retreat with bag and baggage; for, I think, you had a portmanteau on your shoulder'
