登陆注册
26135100000075

第75章

"I was on my way to you--after repeated delays and postponements of your own ******.At the very last you turned me back with a mere word--and without explanation.Iwaited for a letter; and none came.I'm not saying this to justify myself.I'm simply trying to make you understand.

I felt hurt and bitter and bewildered.I thought you meant to give me up.And suddenly, in my way, I found some one to be sorry for, to be of use to.That, I swear to you, was the way it began.The rest was a moment's folly...a flash of madness...as such things are.We've never seen each other since..."Anna was looking at him coldly."You sufficiently describe her in saying that!""Yes, if you measure her by conventional standards--which is what you always declare you never do.""Conventional standards? A girl who----" She was checked by a sudden rush of almost physical repugnance.Suddenly she broke out: "I always thought her an adventuress!""Always?"

"I don't mean always...but after you came...""She's not an adventuress."

"You mean that she professes to act on the new theories? The stuff that awful women rave about on platforms?""Oh, I don't think she pretended to have a theory----""She hadn't even that excuse?"

"She had the excuse of her loneliness, her unhappiness--of miseries and humiliations that a woman like you can't even guess.She had nothing to look back to but indifference or unkindness--nothing to look forward to but anxiety.She saw I was sorry for her and it touched her.She made too much of it--she exaggerated it.I ought to have seen the danger, but I didn't.There's no possible excuse for what I did."Anna listened to him in speechless misery.Every word he spoke threw back a disintegrating light on their own past.

He had come to her with an open face and a clear conscience --come to her from this! If his security was the security of falsehood it was horrible; if it meant that he had forgotten, it was worse.She would have liked to stop her ears, to close her eyes, to shut out every sight and sound and suggestion of a world in which such things could be; and at the same time she was tormented by the desire to know more, to understand better, to feel herself less ignorant and inexpert in matters which made so much of the stuff of human experience.What did he mean by "a moment's folly, a flash of madness"? How did people enter on such adventures, how pass out of them without more visible traces of their havoc? Her imagination recoiled from the vision of a sudden debasing familiarity: it seemed to her that her thoughts would never again be pure...

"I swear to you," she heard Darrow saying, "it was simply that, and nothing more."She wondered at his composure, his competence, at his knowing so exactly what to say.No doubt men often had to make such explanations: they had the formulas by heart...Aleaden lassitude descended on her.She passed from flame and torment into a colourless cold world where everything surrounding her seemed equally indifferent and remote.For a moment she simply ceased to feel.

She became aware that Darrow was waiting for her to speak, and she made an effort to represent to herself the meaning of what he had just said; but her mind was as blank as a blurred mirror.Finally she brought out: "I don't think Iunderstand what you've told me."

"No; you don't understand," he returned with sudden bitterness; and on his lips the charge of incomprehension seemed an offense to her.

"I don't want to--about such things!"

He answered almost harshly: "Don't be afraid...you never will..." and for an instant they faced each other like enemies.Then the tears swelled in her throat at his reproach.

"You mean I don't feel things--I'm too hard?""No: you're too high...too fine...such things are too far from you."He paused, as if conscious of the futility of going on with whatever he had meant to say, and again, for a short space, they confronted each other, no longer as enemies--so it seemed to her--but as beings of different language who had forgotten the few words they had learned of each other's speech.

Darrow broke the silence."It's best, on all accounts, that I should stay till tomorrow; but I needn't intrude on you;we needn't meet again alone.I only want to be sure I know your wishes." He spoke the short sentences in a level voice, as though he were summing up the results of a business conference.

Anna looked at him vaguely."My wishes?""As to Owen----

At that she started."They must never meet again!""It's not likely they will.What I meant was, that it depends on you to spare him..."She answered steadily: "He shall never know," and after another interval Darrow said: "This is good-bye, then."At the word she seemed to understand for the first time whither the flying moments had been leading them.Resentment and indignation died down, and all her consciousness resolved itself into the mere visual sense that he was there before her, near enough for her to lift her hand and touch him, and that in another instant the place where he stood would be empty.

She felt a mortal weakness, a craven impulse to cry out to him to stay, a longing to throw herself into his arms, and take refuge there from the unendurable anguish he had caused her.Then the vision called up another thought: "I shall never know what that girl has known..." and the recoil of pride flung her back on the sharp edges of her anguish.

"Good-bye," she said, in dread lest he should read her face;and she stood motionless, her head high, while he walked to the door and went out.

同类推荐
  • 述庵秘录

    述庵秘录

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 端溪砚谱

    端溪砚谱

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 台湾雾峰林氏族谱

    台湾雾峰林氏族谱

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 春日游苑喜雨应诏

    春日游苑喜雨应诏

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 千金裘

    千金裘

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
热门推荐
  • 我的心情有点杂

    我的心情有点杂

    叶雯来到一个新的学校,新的环境,诶,气氛有点不对,他们着看神经病的眼神看着她是怎么回事?为什么她只是出去了一趟,就不对劲了。真相只有一个,快来围观吧
  • 仙魔惩戒者

    仙魔惩戒者

    资质绝佳却因没有灵根无法修行的秦歌,为了自由自在,为了不被修行者所欺辱,十年练就《灭仙指》这门强大的奇法。秦歌无意中卷入双生子事件之中,从一小镇中得到一幅画卷,那画卷让他明白,自己练就的指法到底有着怎样的秘密。是什么造就了仙魔,那星空的背后又藏着什么,关于秦歌的传奇,从这里开始。在这苍茫星空中,从此多了一位仙与魔的惩戒者。本书非正常套路,入手需谨慎
  • 长生仙道

    长生仙道

    后世宅男重生仙侠世界,再掀修仙狂潮!得夺灵异宝,吞噬万千灵气,造无穷丹药!!承血帝功法,跳脱诸天轮回,证长生仙道!!叙写一段荆棘丛生,路途坎坷的修仙之旅,且看林进一个血魔宫的无名小卒,是如何……
  • 宫之:帝尊的痴傻妻

    宫之:帝尊的痴傻妻

    兜兜转转300年……再次意外的回到30重天。面对昔日同为菜鸟就及其腹黑的少年,现如今已成长为站在顶峰的腹黑尊主…她这个“痴傻废人”,她又该如何完成“前身”遗愿让他娶了自己?然后摆脱掉这个冷傲又腹黑的尊主?
  • 幻之征途

    幻之征途

    一次意外的昏迷,让他有了追寻知识、真理的渴望!只是天不遂人愿,在惨绝人寰的灾祸面前,他不得不放下心中单纯的梦想,走上了另一条布满荆棘的道路。
  • 校花重生:恶毒女配追夫记

    校花重生:恶毒女配追夫记

    宋依依生前,她是学校美丽的校花,花样的青春,家世的显赫,温柔的校草男朋友…这一切足够令人羡慕。可是,当她遇到柳如烟后,她的生活开始了翻天覆地的变化…最后变得心狠手辣、众叛亲离,还被扔到精神病院受尽折磨而死。本来她以为死就是终结时,灵魂还在恍惚状态的她,不知道被什么牵引着,翻开了那本‘书’。那是一部校园小说,女主是柳如烟。而她宋依依,却是小说里面人人唾弃的恶毒女配!一场交易,不甘心、满怀怨恨的她,宋依依———付出了昂贵沉重的代价,回到了‘从前’……
  • 星耀征途

    星耀征途

    浩瀚的银河很是苍凉,当回顾周围时,已经不知道身边还有谁一如既往的能对你笑着,也许很多都是虚假的笑容吧,又或者说只是嘲笑而已,我该怎么办,又将会去往哪里……
  • 上清九丹上化胎精中记经

    上清九丹上化胎精中记经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 元墨记

    元墨记

    “墨水,跟本座修炼。”“好啊好啊元宵大大!”“墨水,哥哥想和你去,做~游~戏~哦~”“sure!西泽尔我们走~”“墨水,又到炼药的时间了呢。”“噢哈哈好吧~小缪風!”你是我一个人的,不容其他小兔崽子玷污啊!乖乖做我的小萝莉吧啊哈哈~就算你不情愿,可是我爱你呢。萌萌背后猛地一抱,“小墨水我来喵!”罗隐摸摸墨水的头发,“又调皮!”艾恩打开扇子自恋的笑,“墨墨真是逗比~”岚天野温柔看着墨水,“没事。”。陷入梦境的深处,我该不该放弃?拯救世界的边缘,我是不是太傻?白发的少年悲哀看着远方,我们回不去了,姐姐。四位魔王恭候在地,主上我们跟随您永远!亲朋好友远在天边,小墨水我们等你!我所做的,是对是错?!
  • 两生花双生情

    两生花双生情

    一对明星双胞胎姐妹遇见两个富家明星,会碰撞出怎样璀璨的烟火呢?