Old Man Enright's Love.
"Son, I'm gettin' plumb alarmed about myse'f," observed the Old Cattleman, as we drew together for our usual talk."I've been sort o' cog'tatin' tharof, an' I begins to allow I'm a mighty sight too garrulous that a-way.This yere conversation habit is shore growin'
on me, an', if I don't watch out, I'm goin' to be a bigger talker than old Vance Groggins,""Was Groggins a great conversationist?" I asked.
"Does this yere Vance Groggins converse? Which I wish I has stored by a pint of licker for everythin' Vance says! It would be a long spell before ever I'm driven to go ransackin' 'round to find one of them life-savin' stations, called by common consent, a 's'loon!'
This Vance don't do nothin' but talk; he's got that much to say, it gets in his way.Vance comes mighty clost to gettin' a heap the worst of it once merely on account of them powers of commoonication.
"You see, this yere Vance is a broke-down sport, an' is dealin'
faro-bank for Jess Jenkins over on the Canadian.An' Vance jest can't resist takin' part in every conversation that's started.Let two gents across the layout go to exchangin' views, or swappin'
observations, an' you can gamble that Vance comes jimmin' along in.
An' Vance is allers tellin' about his brother Abe.Does a gent mention that he brands eight hundred calves that spring round-up, Vance cuts in with the bluff that his brother Abe brands twelve hundred; does a sport su'gest that he sees a party win four thousand dollars ag'in monte or roulette or faro or some sech amoosement, Vance gets thar prompt with some ranikaboo relations of a time when his brother Abe goes ag'inst Whitey Bob at Wichita, makes a killin'
of over sixty thousand dollars, an' breaks the bank.
"'My brother Abe,' says this yere scand'lous Vance that a-way, 'jest nacherally wins the kyarpets off Whitey Bob's floor.'
"Son, it's ****** egreegious the way this Vance carries on in them fool rev'lations touchin' his brother Abe.
"It gets so, final, that a passel of sports lodges complaints with Jenkins.'What's the use!' says them maddened sports to Jenkins.
'This Vance don't deal faro-bank; he jest don't do nothin' but talk.
Thar we sets, our bets on the layout, an' we don't get no action.
This Vance won't deal a kyard for fear we don't hear about that brother Abe Groggins of his'n.'
"Them criticisms makes Jenkins plenty quer'lous.He rounds Vance up an' curries him a whole lot.Then he tells Vance to pull his freight; he don't want him to deal faro-bank for him no more.
"At this, Vance turns plumb piteous, an' asks Jenkins not to throw him loose, that a-way.An' he promises to re-organize an' alter his system.'I knows my failin's,' says Vance a heap mournful.'You don't have to come 'round tauntin' me with 'em; I'm dead onto 'em myse'f.I'm too frank an' I'm too sociable; I'm too prone to regale my fellow gents with leafs from my experience; an' I realize, as well as you do, Jenk, it's wrong.Shorely, I've no right to stop in the middle of a deal to tell a story an' force the hopes an' fears, not to say the fortunes, of a half-dozen intense sports, an' some of 'em in the hole at that, to wait till I gets through! I know it ain't right, Jenk; but I promises you, if you'll let me go behind the box ag'in to-night, on the honor of a kyard sharp, you-all will never hear a yelp outen me from soda to hock.An' that's whatever!""'It ain't not alone that you talks forever,' remonstrates Jenkins;'but it's them frightful lies you tells.Which they're enough to onsettle a gent's play, to say nothin' of runnin' the resk of raisin' a hoodoo an' queerin' my bank.But I tries you once more, Vance; only get it straight: So shore as ever you takes to onloadin'
on the company one of them exaggerations about that felon Abe, Iwon't say "Go," I'll jest onlimber an' burn the moccasins off you with my gun.'
"It's that very night; Vance has been dealin' the game for mighty likely it's three hours, an' no one gets a verbal rise outen him more'n if he's a graven image.Vance is gettin' proud of himse'f, an' Jenkins, who comes prowlin' 'round the game at times, begins to reckon mebby Vance'll do.All goes well ontil a party lets fly some hyperbole about a tavern he strikes in Little Rock, which for size an' extensif characteristics lays over anythin' on earth like a summer's cloud.
"'You thinks so?' says Vance, stoppin' the deal, an' leanin' a elbow on the box, while he goes projectin' towards the countenance of the Little Rock party with the forefinger of his other hand, kind o'
claimin' his attention.'You thinks so! I allows now you-all reckons that for a hotel, this yere Little Rock edifice is the old he-coon!
Let me tell you somethin': My brother Abe goes out to one of them bathin' camps, swept by ocean breezes, on the Pacific slope, an' you should shorely oughter behold the joint he slams up! Pards, thar's more than two thousand rooms in that wickeyup! It's 'leven hundred an' twelve foot high, four thousand two hundred an' fifty-four foot long, an'--' It's here pore Vance catches Jenkins' eye glarin' on him hard an' remorseless--'an' twenty foot wide,' says Vance, a heap hurried, dashin' the kyards outen the box.'Five lose, jack win,'
concloodes Vance confoosedly, makin' a hasty change of subjects.
"Yes, indeed!" and the old gentleman looked thoughtfully across the lawn as he wound up his tale of the unfortunate Groggins, "Yes, indeed If I keeps on talkin' away, I'll become a laughin'-stock, same as that locoed Vance! Thar's one matter that allers imbues me with a heap of respect for deef an' dumb folks; which they shorely do keep things to themse'fs a whole lot."It was fifteen minutes before I could convince my friend that his Wolfville stories in no sort diminished his dignity.Also, Ireminded him of a promise to one day tell me of Enright's one affair of love; plainly his bond in that should be fulfilled.At last he gave way, and after commanding the coming of a favorite and highly refreshing beverage, held forth as follows:
