"'"An', ladies an' gents," concloodes this Witherspoon, makin' a incriminatin' gesture so's to incloode my grandfather that a-way;"when I reflects on this onblushin' turncoat, Jack Sterett, as Istates prior, it makes me think of how Jedge Chinn lavishes that Berkshire shoat on blacksmith Bill Hatfield.Confessin' that aforetime he's a nullification pig on Mink Run, he sets yere at this barbecue an' without color of shame declar's himse'f a union pup.
Mister Cha'rman, all I can say is, it shore beats squinch owls!""'As the story is finished, the trooce which binds my grandfather ends, an' he pulls his bowie-knife an' chases this Witherspoon from the rostrum.He'd had his detractor's skelp right thar, but the cha'rman an' other leadin' sperits interferes, an' insists on them resentments of my grandfather's findin' the usual channel in their expression.Witherspoon, who's got on a new blanket coat, allows he won't fight none with knives as they cuts an' sp'iles your clothes;he says he prefers rifles an' fifty paces for his.My grandfather, who's the easiest gent to get along with in matters of mere detail, is agree'ble; an' as neither him nor Witherspoon has brought their weepons, the two vice pres'dents, who's goin' to act as seconds--the pres'dent by mootual consent dealin' the game as referee--rummages about air' borrys a brace of Looeyville rifles from members of the Black B'ar Glee Club--they're the barytone an' tenor--an' my grandfather an' the scandal-mongerin' Witherspoon is stood up.
"'"Gents," says the pres'dent, "the words will be, 'Fire-one-two-three-stop.' It's incumbent on you-all to blaze away anywhere between the words 'Fire' an' 'Stop'.My partin' injunctions is, 'May heaven defend the right,' an' be shore an' see your hindsights as you onhooks your guns.""'At the word, my grandfather an' Witherspoon responds prompt an'
gay.Witherspoon overshoots, while my grandfather plants his lead in among Witherspoon's idees, an' that racontoor quits Kaintucky for the other world without a murmur.
"'"I regyards this event as a vict'ry for Jackson an' principle,"says my grandfather, as he's called on to proceed with his oration, "an' I'd like to say in that connection, if Henry Clay will count his spoons when he next comes sneakin' home from Washin'ton, he'll find he's short Spence Witherspoon."'
"'Your grandfather's a troo humorist,' says Texas Thompson, as Colonel Sterett pauses in them recitals of his to reach the bottle;'I looks on that last witticism of his as plumb apt.'
"'My grandfather,' resoomes Colonel Sterett, after bein' refreshed, 'is as full of fun as money-musk, an' when that audience gets onto the joke in its completeness, the merriment is wide an yooniversal.
It's the hit of the barbecue; an' in this way, little by little, my grandfather wins his neighbors to his beliefs, ontil he's got the commoonity all stretched an' hawgtied, an' brands her triumphant for Gen'ral Jackson.'
"'An' does your own pap follow in the footprints of his old gent, as a convincin' an' determined statesman that a-way?' asks Doc Peets.
'No,' says Colonel Sterett, 'my own personal parent simmers down a whole lot compared to my grandfather.He don't take his pol'tics so much to heart; his democracy ain't so virulent an' don't strike in.
His only firm stand on questions of state, as I relates the other day, is when he insists on bein' nootral doorin' the late war.Iexplains how he talks federal an' thinks reb, an' manages, that a-way, to promote a decent average.
"'His nootrality, however, don't incloode the fam'ly none.My brother Jeff--an' I never beholds a haughtier sperit-goes squanderin' off with Morgan at the first boogle call,' "'That raid of Morgan's,' says Enright, his eye brightenin', 'is plumb full of dash an' fire.' "'Shore,' says the Colonel, 'plumb full of dash an'
fire.But Jeff tells me of it later, foot by foot, from the time they crosses the river into Injeanny, till they comes squatterin'
across at Blennerhasset's Island into Kaintucky ag'in, all' I sadly, though frankly, admits it looks like it possesses some elements of a chicken-stealin' expedition also.Jeff says he never sees so many folks sincere, an' with their minds made up, as him all' Morgan an'
the rest of the Bloo Grass chivalry encounters oil that croosade.
Thar's an uprisin' of the peasantry, Jeff says, whereever they goes;an' then clods pursoocs Jeff an' the others, from start to finish, with hoes an' rakes an' mattocks an' clothes-poles an' puddin'-sticks an' other barbarous an' obsolete arms, an' never lets up ontil Jeff an' Morgan all' their gallant comrades is ag'in safe in the arms of their Kaintucky brethren.
Their stay in any given spot is trooly brief.
That town of Cincinnati makes up a bundle of money big enough to choke a cow to give 'em as a ransom; but Jeff an' Morgan never do hear of it for years.They goes by so plumb swift they don't get notice; an' they fades away in the distance so fast they keeps ahead of the news.However, they gets back to Kaintucky safe an' covered with dust an' glory in even parts; an' as for Jeff speshul, as the harvest of his valor, he reports himse'f the owner of a one-sixth interest in a sleigh which him an' five of his indomitable companions has done drug across the river on their return.But they don't linger over this trophy; dooty calls 'em, so they stores the sleigh in a barn an' rides away to further honors.
"'We never do hear of Jeff none all through that war but once.After he's j'ined Stonewall Jackson, I recalls how he sends home six hundred dollars in confed'rate money with a letter to my father.It runs like this:
In camp with Stonewall Jackson.
Respected Sir:
