How Wolfville Made a Jest.
"It's soon after that time I tells you of when Rainbow Sam dies off," and the Old Cattleman assumed the airs of a conversational Froude, "when the camp turns in an' has its little jest with the Signal Service sharp.You sees we're that depressed about Rainbow cashin' in, we needc reelaxatin that a-way, so we-all nacheral enough diverts ourse'fs with this Signal party who comes bulgin' up all handy.
"Don't make no mistaken notions about Wolfville bein' a idle an' a dangerous camp.Which on the contrary, Wolfville is shorely the home of jestice, an' a squar' man gets a squar' game every time.Thar ain't no 'bad men' 'round Wolfville, public sentiment bein' obdurate on that p'int.Hard people, who has filed the sights offen their six-shooters or fans their guns in a fight, don't get tolerated, none whatever.
"Of course, thar's gents in Wolfville who has seen trouble an' seen it in the smoke.Cherokee Hall, for instance, so Doc Peets mentions to me private, one time an' another downs 'leven men.
"But Cherokee's by nacher kind o' warm an' nervous, an' bein' he's behind a faro game, most likely he sees more o'casion; at any rate, it's common knowledge that whatever he's done is right.
"He don't beef them 'leven in Wolfville; all I recalls with us, is the man from Red Dog, the Stingin' Lizard, an' mebby a strayed Mexican or so.But each time Cherokee's hand is forced by these yere parties, an' he's exculpated in every gent's mind who is made awar'
tharof.
"No; Cherokee don't rely allers on his gun neither.He's a hurryin'
knife fighter for a gent with whom knives ain't nacher.Either way, however, gun or knife, Cherokee is a heap reliable; an' you can put down a bet that what he misses in the quadrille he'll shore make up in the waltz with all who asks him to a war dance.But speakin' of knives: Cherokee comes as quick an' straight with a bowie as a rattlesnake; an' not half the buzz about it.
"But jest the same, while thar's gents in camp like Cherokee, who has been ag'inst it more'n once, an' who wins an' gets away, still Wolfviile's its quiet an' sincere an outfit as any christian could ask.
"It's a fact; when Shotgun Dowling capers in an' allows he's about to abide with us a whole lot, he's notified to hunt another hole the first day.
"'So far from you-all livin' with us, Shotgun,' says Jack Moore, who's depooted to give Shotgun Dowling the rein; 'so far from you bunkin' in yere for good, we ain't even aimin' to permit your visits.My notion is that you better pull your freight some instant.
Thar's a half-formed thought in the public bosom that if anybody sees your trail to-morry, all hands'll turn in an' arrange you for the grave.'
"'Never mind about arrangin' nothin',' says Shotgun; 'I quits you after the next drink; which libation I takes alone.' An' Shotgun rides away.
"What is the matter with Shotgun? Well, he's one of these yere murderin' folks, goin' about downin' Mexicans merely to see 'em kick, an' that sort of thing, an' all of which no se'f-respectin'
outfit stands.He wins out his name 'Shotgun' them times when he's dep'ty marshal over at Prescott.
"'You must be partic'lar an' serve your warrant on a gent before you downs him,' says the judge, as he gives Shotgun some papers.'First serve your warrant, an' then it's legal to kill him; but not without!'
"So Shotgun Dowling takes this yere warrant an' crams it down the muzzle of a shotgun an' hammers her out flat on top them buckshot.
"'Thar you be!' says Dowling.'I reckons' now the warrant gets to him ahead of the lead; which makes it on the level.'
"Tharupon Shotgun canters out an' busts his gent--warrant, lead an'
all--an' that gives him the name of 'Shotgun' Dowling.
"But at the time he comes riotin' along into Wolfville, allowin'
he'll reside some, he's regyarded hard; havin' been wolfin' 'round, copperin' Mexicans an' friskin' about general; so, nacheral, we warns him out as aforesaid.Which I, tharfore, ag'in remarks, that Wolfville is a mighty proper an' peaceful place, an' its witticism with this yere Signal Service party needn't be inferred ag'inst it.
"This yere gent has been goin' about casooal, an' his air is a heap high-flown.He's been pesterin' an' irritatin' about the post-office for mighty like an hour, when all at once he crosses over to the Red Light an' squar's up to the bar.He don't invite none of us to licker--jest himse'f; which onp'liteness is shore received invidious.
"'Gimme a cocktail,' says this Signal person to the barkeep.
"As they ain't mixin' no drinks at the Red Light for man or beast, nor yet at Hamilton's hurdy-gurdy, this sport in yooniform don't get no cocktail.
"'Can't mix no drinks,' says Black Jack.
"'Can't mix no cocktail?' says the Signal sharp.'Why! what a band of prairie dogs this yere hamlet is! What's the matter with you-all that you can't mix no cocktails? Don't you savey enough?'
"'Do we-all savey enough?' says Black Jack, some facetious that a-way.'Stranger, we simply suffers with what we saveys.But thar's a law ag'in cocktails an' all mixin' of drinks.You sees, a Mexican female over in Tucson is one day mixin' drinks for a gent she's a-harborin' idees ag'in, an' she rings in the loco onto him, an' he goes plumb crazy.Then the Legislatoore arouses itse'f to its peril, that a-way, an' ups an makes a law abatin' of mixed drinks.This yere bein' gospel trooth, you'll have to drink straight whiskey; an'
you might as well drink it outen a tin cup, too.'
"As he says this, Black Jack sets up a bottle an' a tin cup, an'
then for a blazer slams a six-shooter on the bar at the same time.
Lookin' some bloo tharat, the Signal sharp takes a gulp or two of straight nose-paint, cavilin' hot at the tin cup, an' don't mention nothin' more of cocktails.
"'Whatever is the damage anyhow?' he says to Black Jack, soon as he's quit gaggin' over the whiskey, the same tastin' raw an' vicious to him, an' him with his lady-like throat framed ready for cocktails.'What's thar to pay?'
"'Nary contouse,' says Black Jack, moppin' of the bar complacent.
